Welcome to My Podcast & Blog!

In this special Christmas episode, Susie explores the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus, looking at her as a symbol of motherhood and what that means for modern mothers. We discuss her reverence in Christianity and Islam, her experience as a real-life mother, and her significance in various social justice issues, including interfaith cooperation, immigration reform, classism, feminism, and anti-racism. Mary's multifaceted role as both a symbol and a historical mother is examined, focusing on her empowerment and resilience in the face of adversity.

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Get your free PDF copy of the Mental Load in Parenting checklist!

In Part Two of this Invisible Labor series, Susie discusses the invisible and emotionally taxing work that mothers undertake in the realm of emotional labor. She debunks the misconception that emotional labor is gender-specific and explores how societal conditioning has led to mothers taking on this role, while also discussing ways to make it more manageable and equitable. 

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In Part One of this two-part series, Susie dive deep into a critical topic: The Mental Load of Motherhood. The mental load of motherhood is a hidden yet profound aspect of women's lives. It encompasses the cognitive labor of planning, organizing, and anticipating everything required to raise children and manage a household. This invisible labor, predominantly carried by women, has deep historical roots and serves as the underpinning of both patriarchy and the capitalist system.

In this episode, Susie highlights the importance of advocating for change on a collective level and encouraging equitable partnerships with men sharing domestic labor. On an individual level, she emphasizes the necessity of open and respectful conversations between mothers and their partners about the division of invisible labor and the mental load. These conversations are pivotal for prioritizing mothers' mental well-being and creating a more balanced and harmonious family life. As rebel mothers, it's our duty to challenge traditional gender norms and pave the way for a brighter future.

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Susie talks about the phenomenon of “mom guilt,” especially as it shows up in the holidays. She discusses the nuances of mom guilt and distinguishes it from regular guilt. Plus she uncovers its roots in patriarchal norms, and discusses strategies for addressing and overcoming this complex emotion.

Strategies for addressing mom guilt:

1. Get organized

2. Know your values

3. Practice mindfulness and bodyfulness

4. Get honest with yourself about what needs to stay and what needs to go

5. You might have to say no and disappoint people

6. You don’t need to be the maker of all the memories 

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Susie does a deep dive into the extraordinary life of a REAL rebel mother: Coretta Scott King, a woman who defied expectations and used her motherhood as a source of strength in her fight for justice and equality. From the racially segregated Alabama of her youth to becoming an iconic civil rights leader and activist in her own right, Coretta is an inspiration for maternal activists everywhere. 

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Susie goes deep into a common topic that resonates with many mothers – the journey of losing, and rediscovering, one's identity in the context of motherhood. It's a story that many mothers share, but it's one that society doesn't often pause to truly understand, because it's more than just losing your identity: it means identifying the systematic inequalities that many mothers face.

Topics include:

• What your identity is and how it is formed

• Matrescence, which is the transition into motherhood

• Why you lose your identity in motherhood (spoiler alert, it's not your fault!)

• Actions you can take to regain a sense of self

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Welcome to the premiere episode of Rebel Mothers! In today’s episode, Susie gives more background context to who she is, why this podcast came to be in existence, and what you can expect in episodes to come.

Topics include:

• Personal backstory

• The difference between motherhood as an institution and mothering as an act of liberation

• What you can expect in episodes to come

Resources mentioned:

• Layla F. Saad, "I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy (Part One)"

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I’m out in the world!! A few weeks ago I was interviewed on one of my longtime favorite podcasts, Total Liberation. The host, Mexie, also hosts a popular YouTube channel, where she provides grounded critiques of capitalism and explores issues relating to social/environmental/economic justice, colonialism and imperialism…so, obviously, totally my jam. 

Mexie recently had her first baby, and after listening to her personal story about her birth experience and early days of motherhood under capitalism, I had to reach out. We chatted back and forth for a bit and she invited me to talk on her podcast for an interview about how the social systems of patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism, and patriarchal religion affects motherhood. We had a fantastic conversation, and the episode is now out live!

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I don't think religion is inherently oppressive. I believe there are religious or spiritual beliefs that can support mothers and women, and that a spiritual practice that centers and affirms women and mothers could be incredibly nourishing and rich. But what I'm writing about here is how some of the current religious beliefs show up in the U.S. and uphold and support the systems of patriarchy, whiteness and capitalism as ordained by God. THAT’S what I have a problem with.

Patriarchal motherhood that is justified by the divine right of God also creates the idea that women are objects and only exist in service to men and extends that to motherhood. With this defined hierarchy that starts at home, men also feel justified by God himself in replicating that domination in every aspect of their lives.

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So how specifically does the system of capitalism affect motherhood? Well, unless we’re part of the owner / capitalist / billionaire class, we’re likely part of the working class. Which means the only means of production we own is our body, so we hire it out in the free market to earn a wage. Additionally, under free-market, or neoliberal capitalism, many services that are offered by the government in other countries (such as healthcare, maternity leave, and child care) are left to the market, which means we have to spend our own money on these things or hope our employers offer them. 

The ideology of capitalism (especially when combined with the ideologies of patriarchy and whiteness, because remember these are all interconnected systems) creates many conscious and unconscious beliefs that directly affect mothers.

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There is not one, universal experience of motherhood. What being a mother means to me is different from every other mother, and my reality and experiences in motherhood are not universally shared.

I will never, ever, EVER know what it means to be a Black mother in America. I did not fear that I faced an increased risk of mortality during my three pregnancies. My children have never been targeted because of the color of their skin or texture of their hair. I have never been afraid to let my teenage son walk alone downtown. I have never had to defend my family against prejudice of any kind...and that's mostly because I'm white.

It is up to ALL mothers to create the inclusive, healing, loving culture that we want our children to inherit. But it is primarily the work of white, straight mothers to shoulder the majority of the burden of creating a new culture of inclusivity.

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What is patriarchal motherhood? This is the experience of being a mother in a patriarchal society. It means looking at how our culture treats mothers and children in social systems that prioritize and privilege men. It means challenging our unconscious expectations about what it means to be a “good mother” today.

We're facing thousands of years of patriarchal motherhood, and it has created unspeakable harm to countless women and children.

“For most of recorded history, parental violence against children and men's violence against wives was explicitly or implicitly condoned. Those who had the power to prevent and/or punish this violence through religion, law, or custom, openly or tacitly approved it.” Riane Eisler 

There’s a lot of unlearning to be done.

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A mothering manifesto is one of the key elements to being a conscious parent. It's very easy to just follow the mainstream model of motherhood, without questioning the motivations or reasons why I make certain decisions. I want to be very thoughtful and intentional about the choices I make with and for my children, like how will I demonstrate my values to them, teach them empathy, and resist some of the hegemonic ideals in this country that continue to perpetuate oppression.

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Ever since the 2016 election, many people have been in a constant state of outrage, fear, despair, or just general unease. So we drink to cope. To numb out for just a minute. To buy us an evening where we don’t have to worry about anything.

Big Alcohol has successfully marketed alcohol as something that represents fun, freedom, independence, cool-ness, and power, and we drink it to FEEL like we embody those things.

But it's bullshit.

Alcohol does not make us more fun, free, cool, or powerful...in fact, it's making us sicker and more tired, anxious, depressed, and less willing or able to raise our fists and burn the fucking system to the ground.

THAT’S how it’s a tool of the patriarchy.

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It’s back-to-school season, and all the stores know it! We’re bombarded with messages to make sure we prepare our students for their first day by buying all the right clothes, supplies, lunch boxes, and more. Don’t get me wrong; I love a crisp, new notebook as much as the next person.

But is that all our children need to adjust to the change?

How do we help our children through these and other transitions? And for that matter, how do we help ourselves?

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When I write about what it means to decolonize, I’m referring to the idea that it means a return to one’s original state of being, before the effects of colonization. This legacy of colonization includes patriarchy, white supremacy, heteronormativity, capitalism as an economic principle that gives advantages to some people over others, a belief that humans are the most important beings on earth who have the right to pillage and consume the earth’s natural resources without discretion, and other questionable values.

Decolonizing means first understanding how the effects of colonization have socialized us, and then taking steps to learn what it would mean to think, relate, speak, learn and simply exist without these effects. There are three early steps we can take to start our decolonization journey:

• Land acknowledgements

• Question everything

• Examine relationships

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While there are many lands and populations that were colonized by European settlers, I will primarily focus on what happened on the land that is currently the United States of America. Also, please know that I am by no means an expert in this topic, and in fact, my own personal background and history offers the first entry point and question into this conversation. Am I, as the descendent of colonizers, able to separate myself from my ancestry to look at this topic with the appropriate level of sensitivity, empathy, and understanding? Spoiler alert: I don’t know, probably not, but I’m going to do my best.

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Women have been forced into an identity that has been mangled and kept meager by the patriarchy. We have been told that to be a woman, our bodies should be small and under male control. We have been told that the natural cycles of female bodies are shameful, that we exist for male pleasure, that as we age out of youth and beauty we become worthless, and that primary role is to bear children.

The answer to this latest crisis lies in realizing how powerful we are and screaming that we WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED. We have to remember how deep and fierce the wellspring of our feminine power is.

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Browsing the toy aisle in Target last weekend, I overheard two young women talking. “What did you buy him for his 1st birthday?” one asked. “Oh!” exclaimed the other proudly. “We got him a baby doll. You know, I really just want to defy those gender stereotypes that say boys don’t play with dolls.”

I smiled to myself, weakly. I remember buying my oldest son a baby doll as well, with the same intention. Normally, chatty extrovert that I am, I would have made an encouraging comment to the young mother. But I was (and still am) reeling over the horrific mass shooting at the elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, and I just didn’t have the energy to engage with a stranger.

It got me thinking though. Did 18-year-old Salvador Ramos, the young man who murdered 19 children and 2 teachers at the Robb Elementary School, ever have a baby doll? What about the 18-year-old shooter in the Buffalo grocery store earlier in the month? What about all the men who have been involved in all the mass shootings? Were they just not given the opportunity to nurture a baby doll?

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